dadblame it

hubbie thinks I need an attitude adjustment. Mind you, he’s right, I do, but I don’t WANT one. (sense the attitude? lol). I suggested I just improve the attitude and he won’t have to put me otk to improve it but he says that won’t work. why? it’ll just go south again the minute I know I’m not getting the paddle. Sad thing is, I know he’s right. So, I guess after lunch I’m gonna end up with a burning bottom. I do NOT want this, in this moment. OTOH, I have LONG wanted this, oh the mixed feelings!!!

The anticipation/dread is half the discipline I think!!!!

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Maybe one day I’ll learn?

At the end of my last entry I was going to bed to avoid getting into trouble.  Well, I got reading blogs….. enough said?  And I learned something.  The paddle REALLY hurts.  He’s getting too good at this!!!

We don’t have many “rules” right now. I struggle a lot with taking medications and with getting enough sleep. So, I have a bedtime and I am to take all my medications every day.  Failure to follow either one and I get a spanking.  Sometimes if I am having trouble getting motivated to get something done I will text him at work and ask him to hold me accountable for whatever it is.  That really gets me moving because I know just what that means!

I do find myself tempted to test him sometimes, he was really hesitant for a long time and I thought this would never fly, then one  day, boom. he’s on board (or rather the boards on me haha) and he’s pretty serious about it.  I’m glad, except when I’m about to get it!!

I just have to remember…. be careful what you ask for!  It should b e a while before I look at the clock, realize it’s b edtime and say “oh who cares” again!  I definately asked for the spanking I got.  Probably more than I got!

Off to get some work done and get those meds into me!!!

Opening a new door

So, hubbie and I are beginning down a new path. I have a lot of trouble motivating myself with some things. Mostly I’m ok, but somethings not so much. In fact, some really important things I am very careless about, mostly things to do with my own health. I decided I really needed some help with this. So, I started researching. I found whats called “domestic discipline”. I have talked to hubbie about it and we’re slowly getting on board. It’s not easy, but it’s working! I tell ya, taking my pills and getting to bed at a decent hour is a lot easier when you know you’ll have to face your husband and discipline if you don’t. I managed to get careless and not get all my meds in on saturday. Hubbie found out Sunday morning and then the day went nuts and I had to go ALL day knowing I was going to get a spanking that evening. Man, I know that just added to the punishment! So, he spanked with his hand until I was stinging but good. THEN he took his belt off and gave me a good half dozen spanks with that. I was not going to give in and admit it hurt but I will admit that I am currently being very careful about my medication!

I want to add – I know DD isn’t for everyone. I know some people think it’s horrible, wrong, whatever. And thats ok. But I don’t need to hear from you! My husband is NOT abusing me. I am willingly going along for the betterment of myself and our relationship. I DO NOT want comments or emails telling me how wrong I/we are, ok? Thanks!

Now I had better get to bed or I’ll be over his knee tomorrow risking that belt again for staying up way too late, being over tired, and also driving tired. Ouch.

Later friends!

Grumpies and more

I’m battling grumpies today.  Not only am I tired but my heart hurts.  Ever had a relationship fade on you? It’s not gone completely, we’re still friends.  It’s just.. different. Less.  Not what it was.  No longer a friend I can run to when my heart is breaking, but rather one I have to guard from my emotions.  It hurts! I really have no human friend to turn to who will hold my heart and let me pour out the aches and pains to them.  Yes, my husband loves  me – and I him – but that is just NOT his ‘cup of tea’ shall we say.  He seems to think it’s always his fault when I cry and that, unless I am doing so for a specific reason that he (as a man) can understand, then I am over reacting and need to suck it up.  He doesn’t get that I need to cry as a release for all the emotion I have no release for.  It’s really not his fault, it’s just who he is.  So, where do I go?  Sure, I cry out to God, but man, sometimes I just need some arms with skin on, or at least a voice over the phone!

So, thats my heart ache at the moment.  Gotta make supper now.  I’ll be back, rest assured.

Privacy

Privacy is something very important to me.  There are parts of my life that I don’t want out there for my whole world to share.  I love my family, but… some things are just private.  So, if you are reading here and you know who I am, well,  you’re someone I trust and don’t mind letting in to ME.  The real, often hurting me.  It feels good to have a place to let this part of me out.  Maybe tomorrow I will have time to share some of the heaviness of my heart.

Goodnight…